Crash

Some construction in the house has caused layers of dust upon everything. As I dusted the fireplace mantle, I saw that my babies' urns were also very dusty and dirty. I took them into the kitchen to clean them with soap/water and a toothbrush. Upon turning Grace's urn over, I came across a label I was not prepared for.

I get through each day the best I can. Trying to cover the pain and anger that sits in my spirit and on my surface. Some days are better than others and are filled with joy and laughter... that source come from my kids. They are my only reason to keep breathing...

So you get through those other days, somehow, protected. Until something happens... something that "crashes" through your protective wall and barrier that protects your heart.  That "crash" hit me tonight as I cleaned the urns. Carefully as I turned Grace over to wash her urn, that label was in my face. I was unprepared for the pain it would bring. Like losing her all over again.

I fell apart. Right there at the kitchen sink. I held my two babies and ached terribly for them. It hurts very much. That familiar ache like no other, the pain, the not understanding why, or His plan... once again and I just want more than anything for them to be here, in my life but NOT in these resin urns.

Christian Daniel

Grace