It will never happen again....

Several months had gone by and we had to try and cope with living without our son. I returned to work but I just wasn't able to get through the grief. There were many times I would call a grief counselor that the hospital provided me. I would cry to them... I would tell them that I couldn't do this, I couldn't live without him, the pain wasn't going away, I was missing him... I was falling apart at work and leaving early.

I decided that I needed to seek counseling. I needed help. I wanted to be on a medication that would make the pain go away. I was told that in order for me to see a psychologist, I had to have a referral. The referral had to come from Mr. Ob/gyn, since he was now my primary doctor. I didn't want to see him! I didn't like him at the time. To me his was mean and cold. I've since then realized, he was just doing his job. I guess there isn't an easy way to tell someone that their child was going to die. But when he made that comment about "getting it over with" that was too much! .

I made an appt to go see him to get my referral. I talked to him about my deep depression and how I wasn't coping at all with the loss. He referred me to a psychiatrist, for the medication, and a psychologist to talk to.

I was finally able to ask him what exactly happened to my son. What on earth caused his kidneys to shut down and why. It finally had a name...

Potters Syndrome

He said that for some reason the kidneys shut down, therefore the baby does not produce urine. Without urine (amniotic fluid) the baby cannot simulate "breathing" the fluid into the lungs which expands and forms the lungs. Therefore, the real cause of death in a potters baby is suffication.

He told me it's a "fluke". They do not know why it happens, there is no explanation and it is not genetic, but that it is extremely rare "one in a billion" and it would never happen again. He said "you can have a million more children and it will never happen again".

That was the last time I saw Mr. Ob/gyn.

I did go see Mr Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I was numbed with so many different medications... antidepressants, something to help me sleep, and 2 other meds I took during the day.  I don't know why I was on so much medication... I don't think I felt better... but I had become a walking zombie. It took my boss at work to call me into her office and tell me so. I stopped taking the med's and stopped seeing the doctors.