Arrangements

I didn't want a funeral. That is not something I was capable of getting through nor did I want to be around any people. I also did not want to bury my son. I didn't want him in the ground somewhere far away from me. I think it was my niece Angie or my sister Dottie who had mentioned cremation. I knew immediately, that was what I wanted. We went to the Chapel of Roses, set up those arrangements and chose an angel urn for him - that was extremely difficult. Do they really have to make the funeral home so stinking sad... like dark with sad music playing, such a somber place.

My baby boy

It had been a few days... and I wasn't expecting the moment when my husband and dad, Nick, drove up into the driveway. I had been sitting out on the porch steps and they walked up together. I could see in my husband's eyes that he had been crying and then gave me a look that told me what he had. He had been to the funeral home and had brought our son... home.

Suddenly, the thought of what remained of him in that angel urn hit me. Yet, another breakdown. I held it and cried but felt relief that he was home and I was able to hold him again. It comforted me that I was somehow close to him again.